Deep thoughts on … life outlooks (or something)

So, I have this problem. When anything starts going my way, I get really scared and weary and pessimistic. I’m basically waiting for the other shoe to drop, as it too often seems to do. I even freak myself out if I start feeling optimistic about a situation — I have to remind myself, “Look, it probably won’t pan out. Actually, just assume it won’t.” I’ve always tried to expect the worst and just leave it at that, but sometimes, in a weak moment, I break down and cautiously hope for the best. It’s not so bad if the situation is totally or mostly in my control … but when I only have a little bit of influence or say, it really drives me crazy. I’ve been dealing with one of those situations recently, and I periodically catch myself spontaneously exclaiming, “What the F—, dude!” Very ladylike.. but I’m just ready to come out on the other side, you know?

Anyway, not to be all mysterious and vague; I had bad insomnia last night and started self-analyzing and decided to share.

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